Living 2 blocks from the river is pretty cool. Until we get the worst flooding in decades here.

The river is now one block from my home. Went down and grabbed some pictures.

My baby's birthday party. Turning 9 on the 9th how cool is that?

One week until T starts 3rd grade.

I don't remember much of my childhood, but thinking back I do remember 3rd grade.
I think it was because of my teacher. Mrs. Larson. Dang I remembered her name!

Anyhow, I remember spelling tests, with one specific word.....because . She would make us take that test over and over because everyone one spelled because wrong.

She read us Charlotte's Web. Her voice as sweet as the voice of Charlotte's in the movie.

She wore huge silver bangle bracelets that clanged together when she wrote on the chalk board. Oh and her chalk had a silver chalk holder that I thought was too cool. She was it. Because of her, I wanted to be a teacher.

I can still smell her. I have no idea the kind of perfume she wore, but I can smell it. Is that weird? I think so.

I hope T will find a memory of school as I have. Esp. when I don't remember much of my childhood.

Got off work early past couple of days.
Not much of anything but thinking been done.
Horrible nightmares haunt me
Not sure what they are about. Not sure I wanna know.

Life is what it is
so i hear
tired of the games people play
men in particular on that one
why is it so hard? wtf
Is is so hard to understand?
compassion, is it that difficult? F*ck yeah i suppose so
Is is so hard to be? Why can't one just do?
Respect? seen it around? doubt it
Love? damn bad word, should be a curse word, banished from the language
Action vs Words..DUH
Anyone ever hear of a soul? Anyone GOT one?
Do I have issues? DAMN straight I do
I am tired, so very tired of it all
Why do I bother?
Why do I question? ha
Be afraid, be very very afraid. Someone might care or *GASP* love you
Heart of gold turns to stone, closes in quickly.
Fast before it turns. No one will ever see it sparkle again.
why should they? Why be nice? Why give a shit?
Does anyone give a shit? probably not. This day I don't

It is what it is
I am just me, deal with it

My baby is home from her dad's. A month a long time.
She looks different.
Older.
But only a month?

her light brown hair streaked with blond highlights now
from swimming in the sun. beautiful she
golden brown skin, tan as tan can be
i missed her. her and me.

dang that all rythmed didn't mean it to

glad she is home. now back to the hard part of being a full time single mom.
means planning and being on target
no more popcorn for supper
or cereal and toast for supper
no more sitting up til late hours only to know I can sleep during the day
nope, back to life
life as I have known it for 9 years

wow 9 years.
half grown
half raised
will i know how to live in another 10 years?
empty nester as they say
will I have purpose then
ah i will worry about that bridge when I get to it

for now, my baby sleeps soundly with a smile on her face
sitting in the dark watching her rest is like no other feeling in the world
quiet
dark
peaceful
aware
feeling
awestruck
proud
emotion
love
unconditional
this lil person is of me
and that my friend is something no one can take from me

Just sayin...

Been too long since I have posted. Life sometimes gets in the way I suppose.

T is almost out of school. She is now playing softball and really enjoys it. She'll be in the 3rd grade next year and it hard to believe!!

I am a new aunt again, my brother had his 3rd child last week. My other brother is expecting his first child in July. Babies all around this year!!! But none for me, one kid is enough!

I have been busy with work and my website which is doing well. Could be better, but it is very time consuming not only to make the jewelry but to run the website as well.

Went fishing yesterday and caught a small fish and a bad sunburn. T likes to fish and she caught the biggest fish yesterday!

Aside from working, looking after dad in the awful nursing home he is in, working on the website, and keeping up with T, I have not really been up to much. I guess doing all that IS enough lol.

One more addition to my family in the last two weeks, her name is Gabby. We adopted her from an animal shelter! She is the best :)

Seems to me that ones that lie will always be found out. Why lie in the first place? I don't get it.
Its been a long year for me. Last year at this time started a whole upside down spiral that I got caught up in. Unknowing to the lying party I had already started to figure out what was going on. Of course at the time, I was in denial and couldn't believe what I was uncovering. A web of lies and untruths, started to unravel. Boy was I in for a shock!! The pain I had felt before knowing any more truth was unbearable, what else could he had been hiding. I was in for a real treat. Hiding behind user names on the computer is not a fun find once found out. I found out about affairs, lies of the heart, lies about money, lies lies lies. Past 2-4 years ( I don't know how long it really went on) nothing but lies. He found out that the computer tells all. Short snippets of what email titles are, or messaging titles are can say a lot, even if you don't know the exact content of the messages. You know that persons lingo, you know how they speak and talk. Little pieces add up to big pieces and then busted.
What did I learn? Lots. Trust is something that is EARNED. Am I trusting today? Nope. Do I have good reason not to trust? Yep. Trust is EARNED not just given freely. The only thing that will earn my trust is truth. Plain out truth. Even ONE simple little white lie will not be good enough to be brushed off. I don't care if it is about money, where you were when, who you see, who you talk to, who you think about, one little lie will not EARN trust.
Truth....is very powerful. Think about it

Don't you just hate it when:

• your lied to
• your car doesn't warm up fast enough
• the noise doesn't shut off
• you tell someone who thinks they "know it all" some facts about a subject you are knowledgeable in, and when they don't believe you and think your wrong, they tune u out(even tho you know what your talking about)
  
• people talk too much
• you need QUIET time, and there is none around
• people take advantage of your emotions and money
• you have a house full of people and that is when you feel the most lonely
• people cut in front of you in a snow storm
• people just talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and never shut up
• when you are telling a story about something and someone cuts you off and begins their sentence with "I had the same thing happen to me....." and they never let you finish your story
• when your telling a story and someone cuts you off and begins their sentence with "Yeah I know what you are saying...." and continues to go off on a totally different subject. and also doesn't let you finish your story.
• people hide things from you.
• people say they are somewhere when you know they are somewhere else

Hmm, that is all I can think of for now. I am done with my rant

My new job is working with the elderly. A private duty nurse, to help in everyday needs for the elderly who don't need to go to a nursing home, but need help in their daily lives.
I love my job. I haven't said that in many many years. I really like my boss, she is really a neat person, and is not the stuffy type person that one can't get along with. She is personable, understanding and just a joy to be around!
I work with this one lady, who has traveled the world. She enjoys scrap booking, so she has a library of her adventures. How fun!
There are two sayings that I learned from her recently and I just adore them!

"To love a person, is to know the songs in their heart and sing it to them when they can not remember the songs"

That is so powerful!! and SO true!! Another one was:

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free, only to find out the prisoner was you."

How true is THAT??? Everyday I go in to see her, I learn something new. It is so enjoyable!!

This is what I had been working on in Decemeber for my mom's Christmas present.

She had lost everything in Hurricane Katrina, and I made her a blank cookbook and designed the cover and the pages in Adobe Illustrator. This is what the cover ended up looking like.

I spend hours learning about AI and trying to get what was in my head onto the paper. Not exactly what I had in mind, but it worked well enough.

Too much that I want to do and too little time to get it all done. Since my brother gave me the Adobe Creative Suite 3, I have wanted to get into all the programs and play around. But only have managed Photoshop and AI.

Hope mom enjoys building up her cookbook again!!

OK who turned on the ice machine??????????????????????????
I am freezing!!!! I have no idea what the temp is outside, but yesterday morning when I went to work it was ZERO outside. ZERO. How can a temp. be ZERO??? Just plain ridiculous if you ask me.

Yeah I am up at 3 am. Well got up at 2 am and is now almost 4 am i guess. I have a bad cold, and my throat was sore and I couldn't breathe. So here I sit drinking coffee for 2 hours. I haven't gotten up in the middle of the night in a very very very long time. Gonna be a long day tomorrow, er today.

Starting a new job today and here i am up at 3 am not able to fricking sleep. Been up about an hour. Talk about a shitty way to start a new job. It figures tho. I have been sleeping very well lately, not waking up at all during the night and getting a restful night's sleep most the time. So now I am pissed off and I am sure that will not help me get back to sleep, not to mention the 3 cups of coffee I have had already
Ah well, what to do? deal with it and move on i suppose. Gonna be a long day that is for sure.

Been awhile since I have posted. Not much going on, so not much to say. Just living life.

Less than a week til turkey day and seems unreal the end of the year is near. What a hurtful, strange. life changing year it has been. Total upheaval in my household. I hope to never go through it again. Almost a year since shit started to happen. Doesn't seem that long, but it has been. Lot of lessons learned and lot of money wasted.

Went to the city's Christmas parade yesterday. Yes, yesterday. T's Christmas program is on Monday night. Why so early?? Dunno. Guess there will be nothing to do during the month of December holiday wise beings everything has to be so early. *sigh*

Everyweek Tailor brings home a paper where she has to read words and then I have to sign to show that she did it. Well Monday night, she didn't bring that paper home, and said she didn't have to. Tues night she brought the paper home and low and behold she signed my initials for the monday slot saying that she read the words!!! I was SHOCKED that she forged my name!!! I asked her about it and then she lied to me. Told me that the teacher told her to write my initials on there. I thought the lying and forging didn't come until they were in high school?? I am still shocked at the whole mess. 2nd grade and she is pulling this shit??? What the heck is she going to be like as a teen? oy vey I am in trouble!!

well, its 4 am and here I sit wide awake. I have been up since 3 am and couldn't go back to sleep. Its been a long time since I have been up in the middle of the night. *sigh* I hate it when I do this. Not sure what the problem is.

So we went to my mom's camping site over the weekend. Had a good time. Mostly we fished and lil miss tailor was THE fisherman lol. She caught catfish, bass, rock bass, and bluegill. She caught about 20 rock bass. She would throw her line out and before she could lock it, she caught a fish lol. She had the time of her life. It was getting dark and she didn't want to leave. We got up the next morning and asked her what she wanted to do that day and she said ..go fishing.. too cute. So we did and the little shit caught like 6 or 7 more fish. And wouldn't you know it I forgot my darn camera at home!!!!



Took some nature pics the other week and have been meaning to post em up here, but haven't gotten around to posting on here lately. We went to a lake a couple of weeks ago and fed the geese, there were tons of them there. So I caught them eating.








Then of course there was a playground there and Miss T had to play for awhile. She is such the ham!!!!!

I paid $2.57 a gallon for gas today, I about flipped!! I can't remember when it was that low!!!! Been paying between 2.89-2.97 lately, but seen 2.57 and filled up. That was my excitement for the day. Ha. Think I will go and take a nap, feeling stressed out today.

I can see the changes of fall coming, I love it!!! Trees are turning, it is cool at night, and low low humidity!!! I DON'T miss the miserable weather of sw florida that is for sure!!! T said to me the other day that it sure isn't like florida where it is green all the time. (speaking about the trees turning colors) She said, I like it better here! I agree with her 100 %. I don't miss FL like I thought I would. Esp with all the bad memories associated with there. I have never in my life been through such a horrible time. I almost feel bad for whomever gets involved with that liar, but not really. He sucks you in and then spits you out like it is nothing, all because he is looking for the cinderella pipe dream. Relationships take work, if there is something wrong, say something and fix it, don't look somewhere else. Or get out asap. What a freaking loser. I am so happy that he is out of my life and my daughters life (as if he was in it to begin with, he acted like it, but looking back...he wasn't) I have a good man now, he treats us, both of us, with love and respect. Something the ex knew how to do. What the heck?? How in the world did I get on this subject???
Next please..............

Going to go to woodhaven this weekend and do some fishing and relaxing. Hopefully the weather will hold out and not rain. T has no school on friday or monday, so it will be a long weekend. But am sure it will be fun. :)

Went to a pumpkin fall festival yesterday nearby. It was a bit on the cool side out. The high was around 65. For folks used to florida weather, that is COLD!! But I have missed the cooler weather. I so enjoy the fall and look forward to it this year now that I am back in Illinois.
The festival has a mighty big arts and crafts show! There was everything under the sun there, EXCEPT the type of jewelry I make! I think I am going to try to get involved in doing craft shows. With the only booth there with macrame jewelry, how can i go wrong??
Anyhow, was a nice day out and T enjoyed the parade as well. She got to ride a few rides and then we left.
Today my b/f is working and T stayed the night at her friends house, so she isn't home yet. So it is quiet and peaceful lol. I love these kinds of mornings :)
All have a good sunday

I went last night for a sleep study. Talk about getting NO sleep lol. I had to sleep on my back or side, which I don't do very well. I always sleep on my stomach. So i tossed and turned all night long. The tech lady said she got enough data though, so I guess I slept somewhat. Got woke up at 5:15 am, just when I was starting to sleep good. Figures huh? Should get the results in about a week. Got home and took a shower to get all the goo out of my hair, that was real fun! So now I have a major headache for not getting enough sleep last night. The tech asked me this morning when she was taking all the wires off what I had planned for the day, and I told her SLEEP. She kinda looked at me funny lol.
So that is how my sleep study went. Not sure if I have sleep apnea or not, find out in a week.

Alright, this year is just flying by me! Even after all the shit that happened in the begining of the year, it is flying past so fast!!!!
Registration for school is on tuesday. School starts on Aug. 16th. We have her school supplies already. I just need to get going through her clothes and see what she can wear and what she can't wear. She is not looking forward to starting school for some reason this year. I thought that didn't start until they were older, not just going into 2nd grade. sheesh.
Still trying to get settled into my apt. Been here 2 months now, and things are slowly taking shape, but still have boxes sitting around. Nowhere to put the stuff. Well actually it is stuff that goes on the walls, but don't have many walls to put everything.
I have met someone special. He is really a great guy, and tailor adores him alot. Having trouble adjusting to dating again tho, is as hard as I thought it would be too. But he is patient, and understanding which I adore. I try to remember that he is not the person who lied and hurt me deeply, that he is his own person, but it is hard at times. So unfair to him that it is that way, but I can't help it. Hopefully with time I will be completely healed from the trauma I have been through and life will be whole again. He is so good with Tailor. We are both lucky to have met him and to have him in our lives. Met him through a mutual friend. Pretty much all of my spare time has been spent with him lately.
That is what is up with me and why I haven't been here to update on my blog. Getting so bad at that lately! Hopefully I will turn it around.
I hope all my friends are doing well!! Until next time....