A Mom's Ramblings

Year's End

2008-12-30T23:27:00.002-06:00

Another holiday season past, thank goodness.
This one harder than the last. Trying to survive, trying to stay afloat, is not easy these days.

Another year ahead, one can only hope for better. Of course the outlook doesn't seem very bright. Time can only tell.

Been a long but short year here. Met a few new friends that I am grateful for.
A renewed interest in writing poetry again. It comes and goes, but at least it comes sometimes. Been years since I had wrote. Feels good to be able to get it out again. With that, loss of interest in other stuff that I had done as well. Its gone, but maybe one day it will return as has my writing.

T is growing up fast. Now is counting down til she turns 16. She is already talking about buying a car. Doing well in school and surprising me at every turn. It'll be double digits for her next year. Hard for me to believe.

Happy New Year

Storm Clouds

2008-10-04T05:11:00.000-05:00

Was going through my pictures and well, I was bored.

I love storms. The sound, the smell, the look of the sky before they arrive...

Nighttime, was watching the lightening, and when it flashed I seen an airplane headed to the airport. Grabbed the camera and waited for another flash, and caught it! How cool is that? The plane is on the lower left of the pic!

A Canoe? The River Floods

2008-09-18T16:14:00.000-05:00

Living 2 blocks from the river is pretty cool. Until we get the worst flooding in decades here.

The river is now one block from my home. Went down and grabbed some pictures.

Standing a block from home.

A closer look.

Folks in a canoe going down river road. You can see the street sign.
They measured the depth and it was about 1/2 the oar.
A block south of here it is waste deep.

House to the left of the street sign, hope that the water hasn't gone in their home.

The river isn't suppose to crest until Saturday. Its said to crest at 27 ft. We shall see.

To Be 9 yrs Old

2008-09-17T04:57:00.000-05:00

My baby's birthday party. Turning 9 on the 9th how cool is that?

Gotta have cake!

A game maybe?

Last but not least the goods!

Ah to be 9 again. Friends, family, a gathering..chattering of the kids, oh the fun of it. Glad its over :) lol.

9/11 Tribute to Captain Timothy Stackpole NYFD

2008-09-11T16:36:00.002-05:00

NYFD Captain Timothy Stackpole had just been promoted to Captain the Thursday before 9/11. He had just returned to duty after sustaining severe burns in another fire he fought.

After some months of light duty at Ladder 103 in Brooklyn, "he felt it was a tremendous victory when he came back to the firehouse to full duty a few months ago," said the Rev. Jim Cunningham, the Stackpoles' parish priest in Marine Park, Brooklyn. The Thursday before the terrorist attack, Lieutenant Stackpole was promoted to captain. And on the Saturday before the disaster, Captain Stackpole was named Irishman of the Year at the Great Irish Fair in Brooklyn, Father Cunningham said.

On September 11, 2001 Captain Stackpole had just finished his shift when he heard of the news. It is said he went straight to World Trade Center 2, where he perished.

Rudi Giuliani said this about him:

"I met Captain Timothy Stackpole at the Burn Unit, Cornell Medical Center, in 1998. And I remember him saying, 'My mother always warned me I should put on clean underwear, but I forgot to put them on today.' On September 11, Captain Timothy Stackpole formed a company of firefighters, and together, they raced up into the inferno that was Number 2 World Trade Center. Not one of these extraordinary men ever questioned his duty, nor did he ever question whether he might return to the embrace of those he loved and those who loved him. Nobody can take your father away from you. He is part of you. The tears will make you stronger... we have to cry, and we have to mourn."

To all the family and friends of Captain Stackpole I send my prayers. He will not be forgotten.

We will never forget.

Click the Coat of Arms for full list of tributes

The Kids

2008-09-07T12:50:00.001-05:00

My niece's 4th bday party last weekend. Got all the cousins together for a snap. They are the most cutest bunch. No, I am not biased ;)

Tailor holding Myla(6 weeks)
Brynn(4) holding Camryn(4 months)
and Isaac(2).

Camryn...a sea of blue eyes! Beautiful.

Myla, the newest cousin. Cutie.

Brynn and Isaac having a good time playing. Too cute.

and last but not least, my baby.

Do Mom's Only Understand?

2008-08-30T04:03:00.000-05:00

MOTHERS

Real Mothers don't eat quiche; they don't have time to make it.
Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the sandbox.
Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.
Real Mothers know that dried play dough doesn't come out of carpets.
Real Mothers don't want to know what the vacuum just sucked up.
Real Mothers sometimes ask 'Why me?' and get their answer when a little
voice says, 'Because I love you best.'
Real Mothers know that a child's growth is not measured by height or years
or grade...It is marked by the progression of Mommy to Mom to Mother...

The Images of Mother

4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mommy can do anything!

8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!

12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.

14 YEARS OF AGE - Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either.

16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.

18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? She's way out of date!

25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it!

35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.

45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?

65 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mom.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she
carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen
from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where
love resides. The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty
in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly
gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing
years only grows!

Pure Love

2008-08-24T18:08:00.000-05:00

What more can a person seek? The nature of a child's pure unconditional love.

Tailor and her cousin 2004

Tailor and her new cousin 2008

Tailor and her cousins 2008

3rd Grade

2008-08-11T09:48:00.000-05:00

One week until T starts 3rd grade.

I don't remember much of my childhood, but thinking back I do remember 3rd grade.
I think it was because of my teacher. Mrs. Larson. Dang I remembered her name!

Anyhow, I remember spelling tests, with one specific word.....because . She would make us take that test over and over because everyone one spelled because wrong.

She read us Charlotte's Web. Her voice as sweet as the voice of Charlotte's in the movie.

She wore huge silver bangle bracelets that clanged together when she wrote on the chalk board. Oh and her chalk had a silver chalk holder that I thought was too cool. She was it. Because of her, I wanted to be a teacher.

I can still smell her. I have no idea the kind of perfume she wore, but I can smell it. Is that weird? I think so.

I hope T will find a memory of school as I have. Esp. when I don't remember much of my childhood.

Walkin The Night

2008-08-07T06:06:00.000-05:00

Once again, up at 3 am walking the night.
Although is not my fault I was awake. Got a phone call from T's dad. Drunk as always.
He proceeded to tell me about his dr visit yesterday.
Bad news. Which he knew. He is killing himself with his drinking and not taking care of his body.
He will loose his feet eventually. Diabetes.

Why call me crying? I guess he always has been able to talk to me. But now I hurt for my daughter. He says his life is over anyhow. He will be 50 in 5 years. I called him selfish.

What about ur daughter? She is only 9. C'mon.

So of course I was not able to get back to sleep. Laid down around 5 and tossed and turned. Back up again. No use in just laying there.

Exhausted. Mentally and physically. When does it end?

once again 3 am.

Just Another Day

2008-08-05T19:11:00.000-05:00

Got off work early past couple of days.
Not much of anything but thinking been done.
Horrible nightmares haunt me
Not sure what they are about. Not sure I wanna know.

Life is what it is
so i hear
tired of the games people play
men in particular on that one
why is it so hard? wtf
Is is so hard to understand?
compassion, is it that difficult? F*ck yeah i suppose so
Is is so hard to be? Why can't one just do?
Respect? seen it around? doubt it
Love? damn bad word, should be a curse word, banished from the language
Action vs Words..DUH
Anyone ever hear of a soul? Anyone GOT one?
Do I have issues? DAMN straight I do
I am tired, so very tired of it all
Why do I bother?
Why do I question? ha
Be afraid, be very very afraid. Someone might care or *GASP* love you
Heart of gold turns to stone, closes in quickly.
Fast before it turns. No one will ever see it sparkle again.
why should they? Why be nice? Why give a shit?
Does anyone give a shit? probably not. This day I don't

It is what it is
I am just me, deal with it

Just Sayin

2008-08-04T05:14:00.001-05:00

My baby is home from her dad's. A month a long time.
She looks different.
Older.
But only a month?

her light brown hair streaked with blond highlights now
from swimming in the sun. beautiful she
golden brown skin, tan as tan can be
i missed her. her and me.

dang that all rythmed didn't mean it to

glad she is home. now back to the hard part of being a full time single mom.
means planning and being on target
no more popcorn for supper
or cereal and toast for supper
no more sitting up til late hours only to know I can sleep during the day
nope, back to life
life as I have known it for 9 years

wow 9 years.
half grown
half raised
will i know how to live in another 10 years?
empty nester as they say
will I have purpose then
ah i will worry about that bridge when I get to it

for now, my baby sleeps soundly with a smile on her face
sitting in the dark watching her rest is like no other feeling in the world
quiet
dark
peaceful
aware
feeling
awestruck
proud
emotion
love
unconditional
this lil person is of me
and that my friend is something no one can take from me

Just sayin...

Softball Madness

2008-06-22T10:15:00.000-05:00

watch the ball, not the pitcher!!

A base HIT

Loves being the catcher!

STRIKE by cm's. Just missed it

WHEW, this is hard work :)

Fishing Tourney

2008-06-16T17:34:00.000-05:00

Went fishing last weekend and there was a kid's fishing tourney going on. T had fun catching these beauties

It's Been Awhile!

2008-05-18T05:25:00.000-05:00

Been too long since I have posted. Life sometimes gets in the way I suppose.

T is almost out of school. She is now playing softball and really enjoys it. She'll be in the 3rd grade next year and it hard to believe!!

I am a new aunt again, my brother had his 3rd child last week. My other brother is expecting his first child in July. Babies all around this year!!! But none for me, one kid is enough!

I have been busy with work and my website which is doing well. Could be better, but it is very time consuming not only to make the jewelry but to run the website as well.

Went fishing yesterday and caught a small fish and a bad sunburn. T likes to fish and she caught the biggest fish yesterday!

Aside from working, looking after dad in the awful nursing home he is in, working on the website, and keeping up with T, I have not really been up to much. I guess doing all that IS enough lol.

One more addition to my family in the last two weeks, her name is Gabby. We adopted her from an animal shelter! She is the best :)

The Power of Truth

2008-02-05T11:15:00.000-06:00

Seems to me that ones that lie will always be found out. Why lie in the first place? I don't get it.
Its been a long year for me. Last year at this time started a whole upside down spiral that I got caught up in. Unknowing to the lying party I had already started to figure out what was going on. Of course at the time, I was in denial and couldn't believe what I was uncovering. A web of lies and untruths, started to unravel. Boy was I in for a shock!! The pain I had felt before knowing any more truth was unbearable, what else could he had been hiding. I was in for a real treat. Hiding behind user names on the computer is not a fun find once found out. I found out about affairs, lies of the heart, lies about money, lies lies lies. Past 2-4 years ( I don't know how long it really went on) nothing but lies. He found out that the computer tells all. Short snippets of what email titles are, or messaging titles are can say a lot, even if you don't know the exact content of the messages. You know that persons lingo, you know how they speak and talk. Little pieces add up to big pieces and then busted.
What did I learn? Lots. Trust is something that is EARNED. Am I trusting today? Nope. Do I have good reason not to trust? Yep. Trust is EARNED not just given freely. The only thing that will earn my trust is truth. Plain out truth. Even ONE simple little white lie will not be good enough to be brushed off. I don't care if it is about money, where you were when, who you see, who you talk to, who you think about, one little lie will not EARN trust.
Truth....is very powerful. Think about it

Dontcha just hate it ....

2008-01-30T17:15:00.000-06:00

Don't you just hate it when:

your lied to
your car doesn't warm up fast enough
the noise doesn't shut off
you tell someone who thinks they "know it all" some facts about a subject you are knowledgeable in, and when they don't believe you and think your wrong, they tune u out(even tho you know what your talking about)
people talk too much
you need QUIET time, and there is none around
people take advantage of your emotions and money
you have a house full of people and that is when you feel the most lonely
people cut in front of you in a snow storm
people just talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and never shut up
when you are telling a story about something and someone cuts you off and begins their sentence with "I had the same thing happen to me....." and they never let you finish your story
when your telling a story and someone cuts you off and begins their sentence with "Yeah I know what you are saying...." and continues to go off on a totally different subject. and also doesn't let you finish your story.
people hide things from you.
people say they are somewhere when you know they are somewhere else

Hmm, that is all I can think of for now. I am done with my rant

Learning from the Elderly

2008-01-25T06:09:00.000-06:00

My new job is working with the elderly. A private duty nurse, to help in everyday needs for the elderly who don't need to go to a nursing home, but need help in their daily lives.
I love my job. I haven't said that in many many years. I really like my boss, she is really a neat person, and is not the stuffy type person that one can't get along with. She is personable, understanding and just a joy to be around!
I work with this one lady, who has traveled the world. She enjoys scrap booking, so she has a library of her adventures. How fun!
There are two sayings that I learned from her recently and I just adore them!

"To love a person, is to know the songs in their heart and sing it to them when they can not remember the songs"

That is so powerful!! and SO true!! Another one was:

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free, only to find out the prisoner was you."

How true is THAT??? Everyday I go in to see her, I learn something new. It is so enjoyable!!

Friday Foto on thursday

2008-01-17T18:22:00.000-06:00

Paperback Swap

2008-01-09T20:38:00.000-06:00

I LOVE this site. You can post books that you have and receive books you wish to read. All for the cost of shipping you book to someone who requests it. Go check it out, its FREE!! Sign up for free, post books for free, receive books for free, the only thing you pay for is postage to mail out your book. Can't beat FREE

My Mom's Christmas Gift

2008-01-06T08:03:00.000-06:00

This is what I had been working on in Decemeber for my mom's Christmas present.

She had lost everything in Hurricane Katrina, and I made her a blank cookbook and designed the cover and the pages in Adobe Illustrator. This is what the cover ended up looking like.

I spend hours learning about AI and trying to get what was in my head onto the paper. Not exactly what I had in mind, but it worked well enough.

Too much that I want to do and too little time to get it all done. Since my brother gave me the Adobe Creative Suite 3, I have wanted to get into all the programs and play around. But only have managed Photoshop and AI.

Hope mom enjoys building up her cookbook again!!

Freezing

2008-01-03T03:35:00.000-06:00

OK who turned on the ice machine??????????????????????????
I am freezing!!!! I have no idea what the temp is outside, but yesterday morning when I went to work it was ZERO outside. ZERO. How can a temp. be ZERO??? Just plain ridiculous if you ask me.

Yeah I am up at 3 am. Well got up at 2 am and is now almost 4 am i guess. I have a bad cold, and my throat was sore and I couldn't breathe. So here I sit drinking coffee for 2 hours. I haven't gotten up in the middle of the night in a very very very long time. Gonna be a long day tomorrow, er today.

My Favorite Christmas Foto

2008-01-02T21:08:00.000-06:00

That is Tailor under the tree getting the presents at the back of the tree. LOL. My favorite pic of the whole day. Ahh to be a kid again.
She so enjoyed Christmas this year. She got alot of neat stuff which included a new computer and a Nintendo DS.

Happy New Year

2008-01-01T08:37:00.000-06:00

Happy New Year! I am glad 2007 is over. Out with the bad, in with the good.
2007 was a year that I want to forget. Or at least the first part of the year. It was the most heart wrenching, heart breaking, soul depleting, life upheaval year I have ever had in my entire life. Not only heart breaking for me but for my daughter as well. It is a good thing that kids are resilient! It is bad enough to try to heal your own heart but to heal a child's heart..it very difficult. I had no idea that one man could cause such pain and destruction in any one's life. Let alone 2 people's life.
Thank God for my brother. He was my life savor last year. If it were not for him (and ultimately his wife as well) I am not sure where I would be today. He came to my aid in most darkest hours. I had spent days in utter darkness, barely taking care of myself, let alone my daughter and my father, one night I finally broke down and called my brother. He was so worried about me, he wanted to fly down to Florida that night. But he devised a plan to take off work and come down to help me out. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't be there for my daughter, when she was so distraught of what was happening. It took a week for him to plan to come down. I felt some relief in that week and managed every day life for my daughter. The night my brother showed up, I had all the pressure lifted off my shoulders. We sat up most of the night talking. Unknown to me, he had bigger plans for us. He talked me into coming to Illinois for awhile. He packed up dad, T, the dog and myself and he drove us all back to Illinois. A 23 hour trip. He arranged for dad to go to a nursing home, and T and I stayed at my brothers. His ultimate plan was to convince me to move back to Illinois to be near family. I agreed. A month later he once again made another trip to florida and packed up my house and moved it all to Illinois. I never again stepped foot in my dream home and state.
The healing had started and is still going on til this day. My daughter seems to have bounced back pretty well, which everyone told me that she would. A man, the only "father" figure in her life that she remembered (not her real father) had hurt her emotionally like she had never known. Shame on me for letting someone do this to my daughter. Never again.
I am not sure I will ever be gone of that hurt that I have. I know I will never forget what that man put us through, only for the fact that I will not let it happen again.
We have both moved forward the best way we know how. Meeting Joe has been good for us. T adores him so. He is good to her and treats her well, like a "father" figure is SUPPOSE to do.
For 2008 I hope that we will continue to heal and to move forward with positive influences and attitudes.
Happy New Year

Letter to Santa

2007-12-14T04:57:00.000-06:00

Got this in an email, and liked it so thought I would post it here.

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy. If you're hauling big ticket items this year

I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely.

It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.

Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always, MOM

P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa for many years to come.

Did you have color?

2007-11-25T06:25:00.000-06:00

Had a good turkey day on thurs. Been kind of a boring weekend around here. Got our Christmas tree up on Friday and T did a great job decorating it.

Friday night we all went out to eat at Olive Garden. Great food there, yummy. In the middle of dinner, out of the blue, Tailor asks me "did you have color back in your day?" Stunned, shocked and confused, I asked "WHAT????" She says, "Did u have color back in the day?" Joe and I busted out laughing. Here we go, another "back in da day" question. She so serious and inquisitive lol. There were black and white pictures hanging on the wall behind us, and I think she seen them and that is where the question came from. How do u explain where color comes from and that it has been around from day 1?
From the mind of a 8 year old!!!

Happy Thanksgiving

2007-11-22T07:28:00.000-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving!!! Hard to believe that it is this time of year already. This year has flown by, and the next month will go even faster!!!! Hope everyone enjoys their day.

3 am

2007-11-20T02:57:00.000-06:00

Starting a new job today and here i am up at 3 am not able to fricking sleep. Been up about an hour. Talk about a shitty way to start a new job. It figures tho. I have been sleeping very well lately, not waking up at all during the night and getting a restful night's sleep most the time. So now I am pissed off and I am sure that will not help me get back to sleep, not to mention the 3 cups of coffee I have had already
Ah well, what to do? deal with it and move on i suppose. Gonna be a long day that is for sure.

Just Livin' Life

2007-11-18T07:05:00.000-06:00

Been awhile since I have posted. Not much going on, so not much to say. Just living life.

Less than a week til turkey day and seems unreal the end of the year is near. What a hurtful, strange. life changing year it has been. Total upheaval in my household. I hope to never go through it again. Almost a year since shit started to happen. Doesn't seem that long, but it has been. Lot of lessons learned and lot of money wasted.

Went to the city's Christmas parade yesterday. Yes, yesterday. T's Christmas program is on Monday night. Why so early?? Dunno. Guess there will be nothing to do during the month of December holiday wise beings everything has to be so early. *sigh*

Just a photo

2007-11-04T05:10:00.000-06:00

Went for a ride last weekend and captured this pic of the illinois river. I love fall. The colors are so beautiful! Enjoy

Back in 'Da Day

2007-11-02T15:39:00.000-05:00

Driving to go see my dad at the nursing home last night, my lovely daughter has a serious question for me.
She says "Mom, back in your day, did you guys have cars?"
BACK IN MY DAY??????????? I didn't think I was that old. Holy Crap!!! lol.
I said, UMMMMMMMM yes dear. and what do you mean back in my day??
She giggled "well you are old" *snicker snicker* Hmmmp.

So felt like an ol' lady the rest of the night. Shoot, am only 35 but u know looking back, I guess when I was 8 I thought my mom was old too. She was only in her 30's too lol.
Really felt old when it was 9pm and I was ready to go to bed lol. Ah well. The things that come out of kids' mouth!

Halloween Party

2007-10-28T22:03:00.000-05:00

T was invited to go to a halloween party friday night with my SIL. She is dressing as a pirate this year. She likes Elizabeth from Pirates movie, so that is what she decided to go as.

Not a very good pic of the outfit, but it is cute in person.
She had a great time at the party and won lots of prizes and of course some candy.

We'll see how wednesday goes with the candy deal lol. Too much candy ='s too much sugar='s too hyper of a kid!

Fishing

2007-10-22T08:45:00.000-05:00

I finally took my camera yesterday when we went fishing. Here is T sitting ever so impatiently patient lol.

She got one good bite, but was not paying attention and lost the fish. After that she got bored and decided she was going to play at the gazebo that was there.

Here is a pic of the gazebo she decided to play in.
It was ok for her for awhile, but of course she got bored with that too.

It was really a pretty park that we were at.

"Glad I Ain't No Chicken"

2007-10-21T19:20:00.000-05:00

So we went fishing today, 80 degrees out and beautiful! I caught 4 bluegill and no one else caught anything. Oh well, I had fun lol.

Went to KFC for lunch/supper, had their buffet, was ok. J eats his chicken to the bone, and piles them up on a plate. Tailor asked him what a certain piece of bone was cuz it had white on it. He told her it is where the two bones connected together. He explained it was just like her bones. She thought for a minute, made a funny face and said "I am glad I ain't no chicken!!" OMG it was too funny. She said it so seriously and so thought through it was just so funny.

Out of the mouths of kids..

Friday Foto

2007-10-19T08:50:00.000-05:00

While waiting for Tailor to get off the bus one day, I took a pic of the pine tree I stand under waiting for her. Didn't turn out as I wanted it to, as the sun rays were coming through the branches, but still a cool pic anyhow!!

Well it has been a few weeks now since I gotten my cpap machine. Not sure if it is working for me or not, I am still tired throughout the day. Although I wake up not as exhausted, but by noon I am ready to drop. *sigh* I guess I will just have to deal with being tired all the damn time.

Woke up last night around 2 am and was up til 4 am. Couldn't get back to sleep. I was laying there thinking about how I can rearrange my living room so it isn't so cluttered up! That is something stupid to be thinking about at 2 am. Sheesh. The last time I looked at the clock it was 4:10 am. Then the stupid alarm went off at 7. Short night.

Forging My Name

2007-10-18T08:23:00.000-05:00

Everyweek Tailor brings home a paper where she has to read words and then I have to sign to show that she did it. Well Monday night, she didn't bring that paper home, and said she didn't have to. Tues night she brought the paper home and low and behold she signed my initials for the monday slot saying that she read the words!!! I was SHOCKED that she forged my name!!! I asked her about it and then she lied to me. Told me that the teacher told her to write my initials on there. I thought the lying and forging didn't come until they were in high school?? I am still shocked at the whole mess. 2nd grade and she is pulling this shit??? What the heck is she going to be like as a teen? oy vey I am in trouble!!

4 am

2007-10-11T04:24:00.000-05:00

well, its 4 am and here I sit wide awake. I have been up since 3 am and couldn't go back to sleep. Its been a long time since I have been up in the middle of the night. *sigh* I hate it when I do this. Not sure what the problem is.

So we went to my mom's camping site over the weekend. Had a good time. Mostly we fished and lil miss tailor was THE fisherman lol. She caught catfish, bass, rock bass, and bluegill. She caught about 20 rock bass. She would throw her line out and before she could lock it, she caught a fish lol. She had the time of her life. It was getting dark and she didn't want to leave. We got up the next morning and asked her what she wanted to do that day and she said ..go fishing.. too cute. So we did and the little shit caught like 6 or 7 more fish. And wouldn't you know it I forgot my darn camera at home!!!!

Took some nature pics the other week and have been meaning to post em up here, but haven't gotten around to posting on here lately. We went to a lake a couple of weeks ago and fed the geese, there were tons of them there. So I caught them eating.

Then of course there was a playground there and Miss T had to play for awhile. She is such the ham!!!!!

$2.57

2007-10-03T12:37:00.000-05:00

I paid $2.57 a gallon for gas today, I about flipped!! I can't remember when it was that low!!!! Been paying between 2.89-2.97 lately, but seen 2.57 and filled up. That was my excitement for the day. Ha. Think I will go and take a nap, feeling stressed out today.

Fall is Near

2007-10-02T10:15:00.000-05:00

I can see the changes of fall coming, I love it!!! Trees are turning, it is cool at night, and low low humidity!!! I DON'T miss the miserable weather of sw florida that is for sure!!! T said to me the other day that it sure isn't like florida where it is green all the time. (speaking about the trees turning colors) She said, I like it better here! I agree with her 100 %. I don't miss FL like I thought I would. Esp with all the bad memories associated with there. I have never in my life been through such a horrible time. I almost feel bad for whomever gets involved with that liar, but not really. He sucks you in and then spits you out like it is nothing, all because he is looking for the cinderella pipe dream. Relationships take work, if there is something wrong, say something and fix it, don't look somewhere else. Or get out asap. What a freaking loser. I am so happy that he is out of my life and my daughters life (as if he was in it to begin with, he acted like it, but looking back...he wasn't) I have a good man now, he treats us, both of us, with love and respect. Something the ex knew how to do. What the heck?? How in the world did I get on this subject???
Next please..............

Going to go to woodhaven this weekend and do some fishing and relaxing. Hopefully the weather will hold out and not rain. T has no school on friday or monday, so it will be a long weekend. But am sure it will be fun. :)

Wordless Wednesday

2007-09-26T06:03:00.000-05:00

First Day of Fall

2007-09-23T08:09:00.000-05:00

Can't believe summer is over already! The weather here is awesome. Opened the windows yesterday and this morning it is so nice out!! I have missed the fall weather here and am looking forward to it this year. Some of the trees are already turning colors. Another thing that I missed.

Today is my nephew's first birthday party. He is such the sweetheart!! A good baby too. Of course his older sister(who just turned 3 a few weeks ago) thinks that it is her birthday party again today lol. She is a spitfire!!

The other day I finally caught that squirrel peaking out of a tree at me. I had my camera and got a couple of pictures of her, climbing down the side of the tree.

Wordless Wednesday

2007-09-19T15:48:00.000-05:00

Birthday with Chucky Cheese

Nature

2007-09-18T08:33:00.000-05:00

For the past week I have been seeing a certain squirrel when I walk my daughter to the bus stop. One afternoon, she was sitting on a broken branch eating and just stared as I walked by. I seen her everyday for a week morning and afternoon when going to the bus stop. So yesterday, I decided to take my camera to capture this silly thing. Guess what? she was no where to be found!!!! Figures. So instead I looked down at the ground and found a pinecone resting near some leaves and snapped a pic of it. No squirrel, just a lonely ol pine cone. Enjoy

Fall Festival

2007-09-16T08:06:00.000-05:00

Went to a pumpkin fall festival yesterday nearby. It was a bit on the cool side out. The high was around 65. For folks used to florida weather, that is COLD!! But I have missed the cooler weather. I so enjoy the fall and look forward to it this year now that I am back in Illinois.
The festival has a mighty big arts and crafts show! There was everything under the sun there, EXCEPT the type of jewelry I make! I think I am going to try to get involved in doing craft shows. With the only booth there with macrame jewelry, how can i go wrong??
Anyhow, was a nice day out and T enjoyed the parade as well. She got to ride a few rides and then we left.
Today my b/f is working and T stayed the night at her friends house, so she isn't home yet. So it is quiet and peaceful lol. I love these kinds of mornings :)
All have a good sunday

Sleep Apnea

2007-09-15T06:56:00.000-05:00

Got the results of my sleep study yesterday. Turns out I do have sleep apnea! Finally something to explain why I have been so tired for the past ..oooh 5 or 6 or 7 years. I apparently stop breathing 19 times an hour sleeping on my side, which is considered moderate sleep apnea. On my back I stop even more, which is the norm with anyone who has sleep apnea.
I go back to the sleep study clinic on Monday night to get fitted with a cpap machine. Oh I can't wait to get a good nights sleep!!! Not too crazy about some machine on my face, but if it will help me sleep I don't care!!
All have a great weekend!!!

Friday Foto

2007-09-14T06:58:00.000-05:00

A shot from T's birthday last week. Can you tell she was excited?? Ahhhh the younger years when getting that excited about birthday's.
She got alot of neat stuff, but the one thing that she plays with everyday...is a 2 dollar jump rope bought at dollar general. who knew? lol.
Next year will be her golden birthday, I will have to think up something extra special for her. She was born on 9-9-99 and will be 9 years old next year. Man time sure flies by!!
All have a great Friday

Sleep Study

2007-09-12T09:33:00.000-05:00

I went last night for a sleep study. Talk about getting NO sleep lol. I had to sleep on my back or side, which I don't do very well. I always sleep on my stomach. So i tossed and turned all night long. The tech lady said she got enough data though, so I guess I slept somewhat. Got woke up at 5:15 am, just when I was starting to sleep good. Figures huh? Should get the results in about a week. Got home and took a shower to get all the goo out of my hair, that was real fun! So now I have a major headache for not getting enough sleep last night. The tech asked me this morning when she was taking all the wires off what I had planned for the day, and I told her SLEEP. She kinda looked at me funny lol.
So that is how my sleep study went. Not sure if I have sleep apnea or not, find out in a week.

Commander Dan F. Shanower, US Navy

2007-09-11T10:15:00.000-05:00

In following my tribute last year for the 2996 project, I have chosen to honor Commander Dan F. Shanower this year.
I chose Mr. Shanower because he was from Naperville, IL which is near where I grew up.

Mr. Shanower worked at the Pentagon in the Office of Navy Intelligence. He was the second victim identified from the Pentagon. His Navy career has taken him around the world. His first 10 years in the Navy was spent abroad. He eventually made his way to the Pentagon.

A young man, at the age of 40, left behind a loving family. He has 4 other siblings. According to his family and friends, Mr. Shanower was a very free spirited, funny and even alittle bit mischievous as a kid. In family pictures he was the one making the goofy faces. In high school, he buried an unwanted car engine in his parents yard. In college he found out his taste for foreign affairs. He eventually signed up for a class that included a trip to the Soviet Union. One winter he got lost in Moscow. He had many adventures throughout his short life. He was planning on retiring soon from the Navy and then plan on starting a family.

One of the many young people who lost their lives that day. My prayers and thoughts to his friends and family today.

Once again, after researching about him, I have found that I would have loved to have met Mr. Shanower. The stories that he may have been able to share, are now priceless to those who he shared them with.

There is more reading about Commander Dan Shanower here if anyone would like to know more about this awesome man.

Happy Birthday Tailor

2007-09-09T06:23:00.000-05:00

Tailor is 8 today. My baby is growing fast!

Happy Birthday!!

Happy Saturday

2007-09-08T05:06:00.000-05:00

Yep, bad blogger here again. I really have not had much to say hence no posts here.
We had a good labor day weekend. Went to a campground for the weekend and mostly just fished. Tailor caught her first fish, it was too cute. Of course I forgot my camera at home so no pictured :(

I will be starting classes at h and r block again next week, thought I would get back into doing taxes next year. I really want to go back to college but time will tell on that one I suppose.

Tailors birthday is tomorrow. 8 years old already. Time sure does fly by. We are going to chuck e cheese for her party. oh i think around 15 people will be there.

Found out yesterday that my brother and his wife are pregnant again. 3rd child. I know they were wanting one more, but didn't know they wanted it now. Their youngest isn't even one yet lol. I wish the best for them.

Well am off for now, but hope to have more to say soon lol.

Friday Foto

2007-08-24T06:35:00.000-05:00

We went to a wildlife park last weekend and had a great time. Here is a pic of one of the buffalo's there. I waited til he looked at me and snapped the pic.

Tried to get a pic of the eagle and owl there but it was too dark around their enclosures. Also the bobcat didn't want to sit still for a photo session. My batteries ran out to get a shot of the cougar. Was rather mad at that one, cuz it was really close and would have been a great shot. Oh well, maybe next time!
Have a great weekend

Friday Foto

2007-08-17T04:54:00.000-05:00

Tailor sleeping. Musta been a rough day that day. lol.

Another month gone by

2007-08-05T05:43:00.000-05:00

Alright, this year is just flying by me! Even after all the shit that happened in the begining of the year, it is flying past so fast!!!!
Registration for school is on tuesday. School starts on Aug. 16th. We have her school supplies already. I just need to get going through her clothes and see what she can wear and what she can't wear. She is not looking forward to starting school for some reason this year. I thought that didn't start until they were older, not just going into 2nd grade. sheesh.
Still trying to get settled into my apt. Been here 2 months now, and things are slowly taking shape, but still have boxes sitting around. Nowhere to put the stuff. Well actually it is stuff that goes on the walls, but don't have many walls to put everything.
I have met someone special. He is really a great guy, and tailor adores him alot. Having trouble adjusting to dating again tho, is as hard as I thought it would be too. But he is patient, and understanding which I adore. I try to remember that he is not the person who lied and hurt me deeply, that he is his own person, but it is hard at times. So unfair to him that it is that way, but I can't help it. Hopefully with time I will be completely healed from the trauma I have been through and life will be whole again. He is so good with Tailor. We are both lucky to have met him and to have him in our lives. Met him through a mutual friend. Pretty much all of my spare time has been spent with him lately.
That is what is up with me and why I haven't been here to update on my blog. Getting so bad at that lately! Hopefully I will turn it around.
I hope all my friends are doing well!! Until next time....

Wordless Wednesday

2007-07-11T07:31:00.000-05:00

Back to Normal?

2007-07-10T05:22:00.000-05:00

So my daughter is home from her dad's. It has been quite the interesting few days with her. She has come back tan tan tan, and her hair is almost blond from swimming so much lol.
Of course I have worked most the time since she has been back, so she is still in the missing me mode. But I have the next few days off.
First night home and we were already fighting lol. Actually, I had put her to bed and she would get up every 5 minutes! Got on my last nerve, I thought my goodness don't start this already.
It was good to see her tho, missed the lil one. She is growing so fast. I guess they all do.

Friday Foto

2007-07-06T10:37:00.000-05:00

A white rose. enuff said

Having a Bad Day

2007-07-05T07:23:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I missed wishing everyone a good 4th. I worked all day, and had a horrific headache when i got home. Was tired. Grouchy and just plain in a blah mood. Was suppose to go with a friend to see the fireworks, and ended up just staying home. Was in my pj's by 7 pm lol. Now today, i am super super tired. (was up til 11 pm on the phone..i know..my fault i am tired) and don't feel like dealing with work in the least bit!! Uuuggghhhhhhhhh

Tailor will be home tomorrow night. AFter work tomorrow gotta go 1 1/2 hours to go pick her up at my brothers. Then another hour ride home. To top it off gotta be at work at 7 am the next morning. another uuuggggggggggggh.

Hoping today will not be as bad as yesterday. Although I feel like shit, not quite sure how I am going to accomplish that.

Here is to hoping everyone had a good 4th of July!!!

Decorating

2007-07-03T13:28:00.000-05:00

My SIL has been decorating my daughters new bedroom since she has been in North Dakota. She has a Bratz border and she put these sticky squares on one of her walls. It looks really cool.

Then she found a stripped bedspread to match the stripped wall decor. Too neat. Oh the pictures on the wall are tailor's artwork that I framed. Another idea from my SIL. She has the coolest ideas.

I know tailor will love it when she gets home. She will get home friday. Month has gone by fast. But can't wait to see her lol.

Not much else to say today, just wanted to share her room. Next up is working on her play room. I am sooo tired of trying to squeeze shit into this apt!! uughh

Forest

2007-07-02T09:14:00.000-05:00

Didn't feel much like saying much today, so thought I would post one of my digital paintings I did long time ago. I need to get back into that, I so enjoyed it. ah maybe one day

JULY

2007-07-01T00:08:00.000-05:00

Alright, it is July already!! Where the heck does time go?? Of course, if you would have asked me about time going by fast a few months ago, I would have said time stood still. But thank goodness I am healing and moving on from all of that!!

I am still unpacking and sorting through shit around here. I HATE moving. I like where I am living now, my neighbors are nice, and don't cause any trouble. The guy across the way from me is an older gentleman, and works all the time, in fact I have yet to even see him. The couple below me are really nice and have a young daughter. The couple across from them are an older couple and they just moved in last weekend. Haven't met them yet either. So as for now I am content here.

Job is going ummm ok I guess. It is a paycheck for now anyhow. Not much of one, but nonetheless a paycheck. People there are ok, but here there are alot of backstabbers, so was warned as to who to speak to. I guess that is like that in a lot of work places. Which is ashame. Who the hell wants to go to work and be around backstabbing, blabber mouthed people?? I know I don't. But gotta do whatcha gotta do to get by I suppose.

T will be home next friday. I miss her bunches. I got a letter from her today. Had written note with pink hearts drawn all over it. Too cute. It is hanging on the fridge. I was looking through some old pictures of her the other day, can't believe how much they change!!! wow, just amazing. Not only in looks do they change but in attitude and character. Yup i know...the attitude will change too as she grows older.

Peace

Friday

2007-06-22T08:25:00.000-05:00

I know, I have not been here in forever. Too much going on in my life. LONNNNNG story short, I am now single and living back in Illinois.

I am doing much much better now. Was emotionally devastated by what the ex had done to me. and looks like I am going to be finanically devastated now as well. Oh well...nothing i can do about it.

T. is at her dad's house in North Dakota visiting for a month. I miss her terribly. She has been gone 3 weeks now.

So with working, unpacking, and trying to get my life back on track I have been pretty busy. I hope to get back into blogging tho :)

Night Alone

2007-04-14T19:33:00.000-05:00

Not a very good night.
Just feel alone
He has chosen her
but has not come out and said it yet, but i KNOW.
Trying to cope with rejection, once again.
Was strong all week but slowly lost the power.
Struggling now to regain it
I know he is worthless, but nevertheless it hurts deeply
Haven't cried all week, a baby step in healing i suppose
tomorrow will be a huge test. he will be here to fix my car and to "talk"
I know its coming, i know he will say he is going to be with her
How to cope? I must not break down and accept it and move on.

I am so grateful for my faithful friends here. chacha, kat, silverfeather, ablondeblogger.....i luv you guys!!!!!!!!!!

Updating on my life

2007-04-12T05:45:00.000-05:00

Ok, i know i haven't been here. It has been one major whirlwind around here past couple of weeks.

I am not going to go into much detail. but here is the gist of what has been going on.
Kevin has been here past two weeks, i mean spending the night here and time here. I have been painting my kitchen, family room and hallway. He had been cleaning out the shed, fixing the pool and doing work around here. Well on friday, he decided that he wanted to work things out and that he was going to tell "her" that they were done. No more communication.
Well, saturday, while he was in the pool fixing the side, I looked at his phone. He had a text message. and guess who it was from? yep her. I went in his inbox and found messages from her saying "i miss you. I miss your smell, i miss listening to your heartbeat, i love you. i am horny, i miss ur c**k."
Yep, he has been lying to me the past 6 weeks. Telling me he had seen her once, and that he had talked to her occassionally. Truth is....(now this is the girl he had the emotional affair with the month of december) He fucked her in december. He has been fucking her since he moved out (probably since december, but he never admitted that) She is in love with him, and he with her. They think they are soul mates. He has been having a relationship with her this whole time he has been gone. No wonder he doesn't want to committ to working things out with me. He has even met her sister.
Yep. what a fool am i? but guess what. NO MORE. I have finally seen him for the lying, cheating , piece of shit that he is.

I have found a part time job. probably will go full time. I have got my dad on a waiting list for assisted living. I am getting this house fixed up so that i can sell it.
I have lost 20 lbs(yeah)
I am trying to move on with my life.
I have finally found the anger coming.
That is what has been happening here!!

Thank you my friends for checking in on me. I am going to need you guys now more than ever.

Time

2007-04-02T06:14:00.000-05:00

To my friends here, i am sorry for not updating. It has a been a crazy few weeks here.
I have begun to get this house fixed up to get ready to sell it. I have been painting for the past week.
Talking with K about us also. Not sure what is going on yet with that.
But i am doing ok.
Thanks for caring

Friday Foto

2007-03-16T06:17:00.000-05:00

My ham of a daughter!! At Christmas time she found this hat and wore it all the time. She loved it!!! She is such the ham lol.

I haven't been here all week, as I am still trying to deal with my situation at home. Last weekend I demanded K get all his stuff out of the house. While he was packing and moving all weekend, we talked alot. I mean ALOT. He was having a hard time moving his stuff. I guess I got sucked back into his lies, thinking he really DOES want to work on things eventually. But now, i am having doubts. How does a person get past a habitial liar, and stop believing what they say? One minute I don't believe a word he says, then the next minute I think, my goodness what if he IS telling the truth. I am having a hard time letting go, and I don't know why!!! It sucks.

Permalinks

2007-03-10T03:05:00.000-06:00

Ok, does anyone know why my permalinks and my post pages are not working?? UUGGH I have been all over reading trying to fix them, but i don't understand. I am frustrated. Anyone wanna give a kind gal some advice?

Friday Foto

2007-03-09T05:43:00.000-06:00

This is a picture of my mamaw and papaw on my fathers side. They lived in Kentucky when I grew up in Illinois. I am the girl on the left, and the one on my right is my cousin.
This was taken at their 60th wedding anniversary party. I don't remember it, because i was too little, but i have a few pictures from that time.
He was a coal miner and farmer. She was the homemaker and raised their children plus my dad and his brother and another grandson. Dad told me stories about how she tended the garden and would can all summer long for food for the winter. How we take things for granted now a days!
Just a little bit more of my family :)

Emotional 2 weeks

2007-03-08T05:22:00.000-06:00

I have been through the most worse emotional 2 weeks of my entire life.
Breaking up with b/f. Not only did he have an emotional affair, I just found out that he had a sexual affair with a different woman last year. He confessed. I had NO clue. Talk about feeling like a fool. But I guess with being sick with depression for 2 years, he said well you slept through most of it. and he is right.
Anyhow, I am trying to find a way to heal from that news. I thought the emotional affair was enough, but damn.
I guess the woman he was screwing is in love with him. He has no feelings for her. She is still chasing after him. The woman he had the emotional affair with he loves, and he thinks she has feelings for him, although they have not been verbalize. What a fricking mess.
How does a person overcome the betrayal? How does a person get through the devastation? I have never been through this before. I can not find the anger. All I feel is wanting to forgive and to try to work things out!! I AM A FOOL. One minute I am hurting so badly, the next I feel strong, the next I am weak. UGGGGH the emotions are too much.

On a brighter note. I have another job interview on friday. Better paying, benefits and overtime mandatory. I am excited and hope that I am hired. Kinda scared about getting my responsibilities here at home taken care of ie sitter for tailor, dad's care etc. Time will tell

I am hurting.

Wordless Wednesday

2007-03-07T06:08:00.000-06:00

Job

2007-03-05T10:22:00.000-06:00

Got a job today. It only lasts til april 15. but it is something for now.

Learning to deal with my sadness. Found out this weekend, my ex DID have a sexual affair all of last year. Also he is in love with the second woman he had a emotional affair with.
So am dealing with some raw feelings right now.
But am glad I got something for work, for now. One baby step forward i guess.

Friday Foto

2007-03-02T05:12:00.000-06:00

An old picture probably taken in the late 40's. My dad and his twin brother outside of their home in southeastern kentucky. How innocent they must have been way back then lol. My great grandma raised them, her son and another grandson who were all the same age. How she did is beyond me. 4 boys must have been really tough. She had already raised 6 other children of her own and then took in one grandson after his mother died and my dad and his brother. Must have been tough!

Healing

2007-03-01T06:21:00.000-06:00

So my life has been turned upside down this past week. Once again. This time has been a thousand times worse than any other time. Not really sure why, but have a good idea. It is tough to be the one left in the dust.

A time for healing for me now I suppose.

I am angry. I am hurt beyond belief. I feel like a fool for not seeing what was happening. Or seeing what was happening and being too sick to do anything about it. Depression sucks.

I am confused and overwhelmed.

I am way over my head in responsibilities. I guess I have been that way for a long time, just haven't had the strength or motivation to do anything about it.

I am devastated. I was going to marry this man. This man who lied, betrayed, cheated and left this relationship emotionally almost 2 years ago. Physically left a week ago. I can't believe that I could have been so blind.

People say to take one thing at a time. Easier said than done.

People say I am better off. Yes, I probably am. But how to get to that point in thinking and feeling?

People say I am strong and can make it. Not at that point yet. Don't know how to get there.

Get a job. HA! Last time I had to find a job it took me 4 months. And I was miserable working.

I have no family or friends here to help me in anyway.

I am lost.

I am drowning and have been drowning for a long time, now it is to the point that i can not breath.

How do I even BEGIN to heal?

This is what I am dealing with now.

Wordless Wednesday

2007-02-28T19:26:00.000-06:00

Bored

2007-02-25T05:17:00.000-06:00

Its 5:30 am and I can't sleep and now am bored. Lots going on here, but don't feel like talking about it now.

So I thought I would come here and ramble lol. That is what this is all about right?
Am on the job hunt again, gawd I hate that!! the whole resume, interview, acceptance-rejection, and then starting a new job thing. Gives me panic attacks. Literally. Shoot, I was online looking at the want ads yesterday and had a fricking panic attack! *sigh* Not only do you have the whole looking for a job thing, but with a kid and father i take care of, i have to find a job that will be somewhat flexible with the hours. YEAH good luck with THAT. It just makes it that much more worse. I have to find a way to get through it tho, unless i want to live on the streets. Can't pay the mortgage without income. lol.

Brrrrr it is chilly in here this morning. This is the time of year that I like. Gets cold at night and bright and beautiful in the day. I think yesterday the high was low 80's. Nice out!

Well I guess I don't have much else to ramble about. Pretty sad huh. Oh well. Gonna finish my coffee and lay down for a bit I think.

Friday Foto--on saturday

2007-02-24T07:44:00.000-06:00

Ok, so I missed posting my photo yesterday. Been a long hard week for me. So I am doing it today :)

I am so fasinated with clouds, I take alot of pictures of them down here in Florida. This one was taken after a storm came in and the sun was setting casting the red glow on the clouds. The sunset on the clouds down here are just amazing. I never seen anything like it in Illinois (where I am from) So look for many 'cloud' pictures on my Friday Fotos

My daughter and I are headed to the beach to do for a healing day for me and alittle fun for her. We haven't been to the beach in about a year. Sad because we live only 30 minutes from there. But that is about to change!!

Wordless Wednesday

2007-02-21T10:41:00.000-06:00

First Day

2007-02-20T12:09:00.000-06:00

First day of college. It went well. I liked the teacher, she was pretty cool. 4 hours long class tho, long time to sit lol. Had a couple of breaks tho, which helped.
One class down, 11 more to go with this class.

My other class starts tomorrow night. Ethics. Ought to be fun.

A Feeling

2007-02-19T07:16:00.000-06:00

A feeling of anger
A feeling of rage
A feeling of exhaustion
A feeling of doubt
A feeling of betrayal
A feeling of hurt
A feeling of sadness
A feeling of black
A feeling of craziness
A feeling of suspicion
A feeling of untrust
A feeling of unrest
A feeling of finality
A feeling of anger
A feeling of rage

Slow Saturday

2007-02-17T08:54:00.000-06:00

Well looks like i am home alone today. T is at the neighbors house, she had a sleepover last night. Kevin is working all day. So it is just me and my messy house. Yup, you guessed it, my day alone will be cleaning the house. Yippee.

It is very cold this morning. Got down in the 30's last night!!! BRRR Guess I shouldn't complain, it is better than months of humidity and heat lol.

You know, I am sick of talking to people who always turn the conversation about themselves. I feel like I get a few words in about what is going on in my life and then all of a sudden the conversation turns soley on the other person and what is up with them. Just ONCE I would like to have someone WANT to listen to WHAT I have to say. I am just so sick of it. Whatever. I am bitter about it. Maybe that sounds selfish, but I don't care anymore. I am sick of being thrown aside to the ditch. I guess I need to get better people in my life. Although I can't get rid of family. *sigh*

Happy Saturday :) lol

Friday Foto

2007-02-16T16:03:00.000-06:00

This was taken outside my door one evening after a storm.
I so enjoy the sunset here in florida. So many cool pictures can be taken.

I am going to try to post a favorite pic every friday. Hopefully I can keep up with it :)

Need NEW Look

2007-02-15T17:58:00.000-06:00

Ok, I am sooo sick of this template. I need a new look. Any suggestions? Anyone out there that would consider redoing this in exchange for a free piece of hemp jewelry????? (website is Kristysknots )

I am really sick of this look!! lol

Return To College

2007-02-15T17:49:00.000-06:00

Yup, I am officially enrolled in college. I start next week. I am taking medical billing and coding courses. The college is a private college and mostly a career oriented college. They do offer associate degrees, but mostly diploma's in certain areas of study. I should be done with my major in about 9 months. The school also helps with placement in the work force after graduation. They placed 90% of their students last year. So this is what is ahead for me.

I have almost closed a deal with making custom hemp items for a customer. I will be making custom design to add to his products. I am excited about this adventure as well. I have been working on his custom request for a few weeks now. I hope it takes off!!

Got the fireplace going again tonight. Cold front has come through again. Low's in the 40's tonight and highs in the 60's this week.

So that is what is new here!

Peace

Tuesday

2007-02-13T08:15:00.000-06:00

I have an appt this afternoon with the local college to see an advisor. Am thinking about going to get a medical billing/coding cert. that they offer there. Course work can be done in about a year. So we shall see.

The weather has been awesome here the past week. Well except for yesterday, it rained, but we need the rain. But other than that, highs in the 70's, sunny, breezy and just awesome!! Can't wait to get back in the pool this summer. Probably another month or two it will warm up enough to be able to do so!!!!!!!

Not much else happening around here. Pretty boring.

Peace!

Chilly Night and DA BEARS

2007-02-04T10:59:00.000-06:00

Yup, it was fireplace time last night! Chilly, got down in the 40's or 50's I think.

Hard to believe a home in Florida has a fireplace, but we do. Actually alot of homes we looked at before buying this one had fireplaces. I had to laugh at first, who in the hell needs a fireplace in Florida??????? But on chilly nights, I have found out why.

So sat by the fire last night and relaxed. We even had it lit a couple of times last week as well. One night it got down in the 30's.

No, I am not a wimp, I know what cold nights are like. I grew up in northern Illinois, which has cold burry nights!!!!!!!! But being down here in south florida for a couple of years has lowered my tolerance for what is cold. Shoot, if it is 60 out, I am in pants and am chilly. Back home I would have broke out the shorts and tee's for that kind of weather!!

Anyhow, waiting for the big game today!!! GO BEARS (of course, being from Illinois and all!!) I am hoping for a good game. I watched the bears in 86 win the superbowl. I was in 8th grade LMAO. As a matter of fact, I was in volleyball my 7th and 8th grade years and we picked our jersey numbers. My 7th grade number was 9 ...for who else than Jim McMahan!!! In 8th grade i picked number....34...for who else than the all time great Walter Payton!! God rest his soul. Wish he could be here to see this day, but hopefully he is watching from above!!

GO BEARS!!!

The New Year Sucks

2007-01-17T17:18:00.000-06:00

Yah, been a shitty being to my new year. Am not going to go into details, but lets just say it sucks.

T. had a sleep study done last friday, and did very well at it. Won't get the results until her follow up dr appt. that I have to make yet.

The weather down here has been hot. Not many days with out the air on, which sucks, cuz I miss having the windows open. There were 2 days were we were able to light the fireplace tho. Yeah, imagine that, fireplaces in florida. Silly I know.

I had a busy holiday season with my jewelry sales. I haven't done a thing to the site yet, i need to get sold stuff off of there, and put more stuff up that i have made and are ready to sell. Just have to get to it!!! Which pisses me off, cuz I think about it almost daily but don't have the motivation to do it. Gotta love fucking depression.

New Years Eve

2006-12-31T08:25:00.000-06:00

Last day of the year. Last year at this time, thought the new year would be better than 2005, turned out 2006 was no better, if fact, worse. Tried to lose weight, but gained more. Tried to be less depressed, got more depressed than ever. Tried going to counseling, but couldn't afford to keep going. The more bills we tried to pay off, the less it helped. One step forward, ten steps backwards this past year.

Here's to a new year and again, hopefully will be better than last

Merry Christmas

2006-12-24T17:32:00.001-06:00

Just wanted to say Merry Christmas to ya'll!! Been a very busy week here. Finally got shopping done today. Well not all of it, but as much as I could. I couldn't believe they were putting valentine stuff up at walmart!!! Kind of broke the Christmas spirit for me. Still have to finish wrapping tonight, but not too much stuff! Thank goodness!
Have a great night.

Long Time

2006-12-05T04:55:00.000-06:00

Ok, so I have neglected my blog!!! Not too much going on, not too much to write about. Had a good Thanksgiving and getting ready for Christmas, which is coming way too soon. Got the tree up but no shopping done. Was going to make a trip back to Illinois, but don't think that is going to happen.
Not been working on my website either. Have new jewelry to post but just haven't felt like dealing with it. Have had sporadic orders, and a couple of custom orders that I am working on tho.
T is doing well in school. She has been sick tho. Headaches, bad headaches. She had a CT scan done last week and has a appt with an allergist next week.
That is about it for around here!!
Peace

November Already

2006-11-11T09:11:00.000-06:00

Another month has passed, and I haven't posted here. No reason really, just haven't felt like posting or being on the computer. Nothing really going on around here either.
Tailor is doing well in school. Her report card had a A for math, B for reading and C for lang. arts. I was proud of her. She on the other hand, was upset that she did not get all A's lol.
The weather is finally cooling off down here. Got to open the windows for a couple of days last week. But turned the air back on yesterday, the humidity came back up. The highs are upper 80's and low's in the 60's.
Been having weird dreams lately as well. Not too sure what that is all about but wish they would quit!!! Have the open air market next month, and i am not even ready for it. I have little jewlery inventory to take to it, no tent or anything that i need for it either. Truth be told I really don't want to participate in it.
Well that's about it for around here. Not much going on!!

I'm Here

2006-10-14T10:51:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I am still around and kicking. Yeah I know, I haven't updated my blog in forever. Was sick with upset stomach for about a month. Anyone that had bad morning sickness with pregnancy can image that times 10. That is how bad it was. No, am not pregnant!! lol. Not sure what the problem was, but it is much better now.

Tailor is doing very well in school. In fact she got a free personal pan pizza coupon from pizza hut this week for doing well on her reading. She was excited about that. She has picked out a witch costume for halloween this year, and is counting down the days to go trick or treating.

Dad is doing well too. Am in the process of getting him into adult day care a few times a week, which i hope he will like that. It will give him some interaction with some peeps.

Kevin is busy working all the time. That is about all that is new with him lol.

Our air conditioning went out this week, what a horrible night and day that was!!!!!!!! It was sooo hot and humid in this house I ended up sitting in the car with the air on for a bit. Thought I was going to pass out it was soo hot.
A cold front is coming in this weekend tho, and it is beautiful out!!!!!!!!!!! It is about 80 out right now, nice breeze and LOW humidity!! Just beautiful!

That is about it for around here. Not much to say or tell.

Have a great weekend

Isaac Daniel Davis

2006-09-24T07:15:00.000-05:00

I am a new aunt!!!!!!!!!!!! My brother had a baby boy yesterday!! Isaac!! Healthy. Mom and baby are doing fine and are expected to come home today I believe.

*update*
I have been very ill and not been posting like I should. I am hoping to get better soon, and get back to my blogging!

Post Script 2996

2006-09-17T05:44:00.000-05:00

I haven't been able to blog this past week. Overwhelmed with the whole 5 yrs 9-11 stuff, I just left it alone until I thought I could come write.

When I first joined the 2996 tribute thing and got assigned my name, I researched him as much as possible. I had a draft wrote up, and somehow lost it. Don't know if blogger or I did something, but the draft was gone, on sept 9th had to write a whole new one. Isn't the one I had written, but I got it done. I am by NO means a writer. I hope that if any family/friends reads this that they know that I was very intriqued by his life and by being a part of 2996, will remember him specificly through the years.

I have been reading other tributes throughout the week as well. My goal is to read them all, but after reading so many in a day, I need a breather. It is tough to put faces, lifes to the numbers. So many...So many lost.

Thank you to those who have come to read about Simon Weiser. What a wonderful man he would have been to know!!

Peace

2996 Tribute Simon Weiser

2006-09-15T06:19:00.000-05:00

Mr. Simon V. Weiser 1936-2001

Interestingly, Simon was an inventor, who patented some of his inventions almost with little help. He had a workshop set up at home where he could retreat to in his spare time to work on his inventions.

As I find Simon's history very interesting, born in Kyiv then coming to the USA, Simon was a history buff himself.

What a great pleasure it would have been to meet Mr. Weiser, a great thinker, inventor, and he probably had many great history stories to share. He sure seemed like he was not just your normal 9-5er, as he had so many other interests outside of his workplace.

Mr. Simon V. Weiser, born in Kyiv in 1936, arrived in the US in 1978.

Mr. Weiser worked as a power distribution engineer for the Port Authority and worked the World Trade Center.

He is survived by his wife, a son and 3 grandchildren.

Prayers to your family as I remember you specifically, Mr Weiser, 5 years later.

I want to share here, what Simon's son had posted on 9-11heros.us site as well:

"How do you squeeze a life into a few lines? And especially his life? In many ways, Simon V. Weiser was a Renaissance man; he cared and learned about so many things. His portrait in the New York Times was entitled Medieval History Buff, but it did not do justice to his multi-faceted life. History was one of his interests, and it was not limited to “medieval” history. Simon was an inventor who himself, practically without assistance, patented a dozen of his inventions. He would have patented many, many more. Curiously, after his death on 9/11 I found in his notes an interesting idea for equipping airliners with a system to disable hijackers on the ground. Simon was an electrical engineer by trade and a skillful metal worker in his spare time. At home, he had a well-equipped workshop where he built his inventions. He was a thinker and a philosopher. He was a man of principle and logic in the Ayn Randian sense. He was my father."
Writen by: Anatoly S. Weiser

2996 Tributes

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Sources:
http://www.9-11heroes.us/v/Simon_Weiser.php
http://cf.newsday.com/911/victimsearch.cfm?id=1233
http://www.ukrweekly.com/Archive/2003/020331.shtml